| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|03:17 pm] |
i miss everyone...
olivia please call me the numbers i call are all wrong :(
i shall be back soon |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|02:20 am] |
:)
im at peace with things again, fuckin' mello mel-onnnn |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|10:42 pm] |
I hate ANY moment spent in this hell hole
why
my dad is fucking insane
yeah good man..with problems beond me
i CAN NOT be around him ANYMORE..
he puts more bullshit on me that i dont need..
he gets parinoid out of his mind
fucking searched my room
accused me of doing hardcore drugs
"amy smack her before i do"
yelled at me for playing music
thinks the whole world is after him
...ect.
so my oppnion on this is that..i think i would be living so much better with out all this PARENT BULLSHIT, with the both of them completely out of wack, trying to work things out when they arnt even stable enough to take care of themselfs, they think they are helping me by trying when they are making things worse, they never cared what i did before..NOW.. can i help you with anything do you need this..sorry you never cared before so im very indepentant now everything is because of me right
?
i talked about stuff on the phone...im the one making the cops come here..im the one who wants my parents together...im the one whos keeping us here..i do everything wrong ...
well sorry im a little bit smarter that what they give me credit for..so..leave me alone let me get the fuck out of here were i could live less stressfully, probably do better in school,and where i dont have to hear or be forced to worry about the fictionius problems that i dont need to
come on licence..
come on imanisipation..
YES a lot of spelling errors..i dont really care right now |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|11:40 am] |
so i think my dad is really going to florida..why
bc of me
i said what ever makes him feel better i cant watch him suffer in this hell hole...
i can wait for my time to leave..
he cant
I dont know what ill do with out him |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|10:29 am] |
I FUCKING HATE THIS HOUSE
i fucking hate being here with any parent
they are both fucking insane
they will be lucky if i ever come back to this shit |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|10:00 am] |
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so i have NOOO clue whats going on in this "family" i think i might have to resort to imansipation(sp) why so i dont have to put up with there stuff and focus on myself yes kinda selfish but i CAN NOT watch my dad in pain and i cant immagion the things my .."mom" would do to herself with the things my dad are yelling at her with his pain...they are breaking each other more than they were appart seriously im affraid of one of them getting really close to killing themselves or each other...its quite scary..i dont want to be here..and i try to just be like yeah i did this today to talk to them when spoken but not when its about each other im like keep me out or ill get out kinda thing..idk thats another reason i want to get out of here.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|04:40 pm] |
OK to be be truthful
RIGHT NOW
I want to be on alot of drugs
especially this week comeing..
i just want to excape
wither it be location and through the mind
bc i know if i just got to i would feel yeah that was my break now to go back to life..
i just find things ( my mom and dad thing) very fucking confusing...
i dont agree with it all
i feel if this plan falls through i might have to leave because i cant live in a situation feeling so fake..
i love you melanie, i love you kevin --- i love you amy, i love you mel---
its so forced appon for no reason i just cant beleve it |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|10:53 pm] |
The Drug “War”
There are 60 seconds in a minute of those 60 seconds three people have been arrested. These people were not murders, rapists, grand larcenists; these people were arrested for drug offenses. As the government “invests” about 15 billion dollars in Federal money, the states average in using about 22 billion dollars. Of the 2 million people imprisoned in America nearly a quarter of those people were due to drug offenses. Though the government spends an obscene amount of money and imprisons many of its citizens for minor offences, the War on Drugs is still a failure Illegal drugs have gotten cheaper, high quality, and are excessively available.
One million, eight-two thousand, sic hundred and forty-five people arrested for Drug Law Offenses this year alone. The violations are expected to exceed the record-breaking arrests of 2003, which were 1,678,192. In 2002, 45.3 percent of the arrests were drug violations of the drug marijuana equaling to 697,082. Of the total arrested 613,986 were charged with possession alone. The population of prisons has grown to a national average of 43,266 out of the inmates 25 percent are for drug violations. New mandatory minimum sentences in some occasions keep drug offenders in prison for longer amounts of time than violent criminals such as rapists.
Corruption of the U.S. Law enforcement officials is proven during several studies. Law enforcement officers were caught in criminal activates such as conducting unconstitutional searches and seizures, stealing money and or drugs from drug dealers, selling the stolen drugs, providing false testimonies, and submitting incorrect reports. In cities all over the U.S. such as Atlanta, Chicago, Cleveland, Detroit, Los Angeles, Miami, New Orleans, New York, Philadelphia, Savannah, and Washington,
DC law enforcement offices have been investigated for corruption. An example of police corruption comes from Philadelphia’s 39th district 10 officers were accused since 1995 of planting drugs on suspects, shaking down dealers for hundreds of thousands of dollars, even as extravagant as breaking into homes to steal money and drugs. In 1998, the United Nations Drug Control Program noted, “Where ever there is a well-organized drug industry there is police corruption.”
This modern day issue of the corrupt nation and their “war” on drugs is a main issue to many. The government creates more problems than is actual y accomplishing, nearly all the numbers are up wither it’s the money being spent on the “war”, or the increase of usage of the drugs, and the unbelievably over crowdedness of the U.S. prisons. Thousands of people who are now in jail do to corruption of government because the individual had no other options for a living and will always have the same. Out of the three people arrested every minute, which ones are truly guilty, them or the ones doing the arresting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|02:39 pm] |
ok after a wonderful day of sleep 11 30pm to 1 30pm i LOVE LIFE wow
its been beautiful the past couple days including the rainy ones and after fucking amazingly beutiful and the wonderful moments with thomas(no not sexual) i mean the picture perfect moments that we some how always have i love it i love him a truely beautiful person in and out...
school well its school..LAME..
after looking at mandys(the hippy chick i work with) myspace she so intresting to me i love her because shes such a layed back person and idk its cool
i was really in the mood to say everything but i lost it all maybe ill get it back |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
i had a pretty good day..it was a rush till english the class that probably aggravates me the most bc i have no clue whats going on why? because its so fucking boring..
i found myself shaking
very anxious
nerves shot
and thinking why am i doing this to myself maybe i am an "over acheiver" even to where i cant take it
i just want to stop
i want to leave and just bring the gang with me
i love my dad yes but hes some of the problem he talks all the time i never speak i think some of the reason why im not much of a talker...but i think he is slight reason why my nerves are wearing away
but when i got out of class i saw thomas that was a nice suprise but i was life less
i feel dead right now
i just feel out of place
and usually thats when i feel that no one even trys to say anything to me just a little and passes me by...
idk ill re read this and say what a loser i am o well |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|09:39 pm] |
so
I LIKE VIOLENCE
not any kind either
mafia style violence..
mafia everything..
the life
the thrill
the guys MMMA
the violence
the old fashion
AAHH i love it
mm yess
haha idk but i just do
oo and i like knifes
ahh yes fast ones
huge ones
ahh yes
ive noticed that i always have reambering back to when i would play with my dads when i was little opening and closing knowing the damage that i could do..but dont mmm yaa and the mafia thing too but being around it slightly |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|11:10 am] |
ok wednesday im sposed to be at school but s suprise they didnt get anything done for me so i dont have a schedule yet...
not seeing thomas is starting to get to me :( it usuallly wouldnt bother me so much but we spent so much time together over the this hwhole time we knew each other now nothing...i havent even gotten a phone call for awhile but i dont want to interfear with their fun.. idk
we are going to be kicked out in 30 days idk where we are going maybe some place on kerrs creek? not really sure :/
and of course its weird with out red just the random hyperness that rubbs off on me i kinda feel like i constantly need more caffeene |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
AHHH ive been up since 6 50 went to work till 12 then have been cleaning my room since...its comming out cool though
i really need to get my school stuff doneget classes and then supplies bc i havent gotten new stuff for 3 years
ok day 2 of the thomas fast...
its weird now bored and my house..
more time with my dad getting more on how he is
im worried about him..
im affraid next time we see each other we might just dry hump(hah sorry funny to me) at that moment.. we are so very full of hormones
i feel like i dont have anyone to play with.. gah
im left to entertain myself..i only last so long..its about almost run out..
i feel like i hardly eat then i kinda forse myself to not eat much so im use to it the next day.. i need to start cooking..:/
i dont feel like typing i did but i got side tracked and now no.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|09:53 am] |
as this beautiful fun summer wines down to a end i think well the last half of the school year wasnt bad either..
reds house,party,yard,the gyni(sp),random sleep overs
punannys
the KILLING walks around lexington
turning people in to caffenne addicts
the picture moments at bens
camping
camping in brandys yard were i shed a tear of happyness and spit out pure chocolate
milkshake missions
yee haws
swimming
jumping off panther falls
thomas' house(moms of course) the imfamous hennesy night as i call it to people fall down masks where worn
then the 12:15 (now of course at appropreate time)porch many BURNing conversations
the "shows" in lexington the best one the one with rum of course WOO but neveragain PAH
then my mom having an affair and telling my dad on his b day
Red and thomas leaving for beaches
brandy working
ben? school
Melanie work school
red off to college to make it happen
thomas school, but not in it
I've gotten to experience a whole summer with amazing people getting closer with them and hope it stays this great. I love my friends and not just the 4 mostly in this entry, but everyone..olivia, lacy though i didnt get to see them that much, people at my work which i find fun bc most are considered friends and then the random new people that just open your mind a little more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|10:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | teenage whore-hole | ] |
well..
last four days have been odd
i have enjoyed myself
why what caused this
my dads heart being broken by some bitch..my mother ugh
she cheated on my dad it accounts for her weirdness
but ive noticed that the steriotype is usually the man is the bad person
BULLSHIT
BULLSHIT
its usually the woman just nagging bitching and whining
this is why i usually have more empathy for the guys
but im somewhat happy with out my mom around it doesnt hurt me
it just hurts me that she hurt my dad
...
well
...
we are staying
..party house
i just need to take care of my father
and i thank all my family coming out of nowhere offering me simpathy but i dont need it..
maybe i might see her when i graduate but not anytime soon
im fine hangin out with the boys anyways..always have
yellin out RIDA out on ft laud. beach but just now in rockbridge county
:| |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|12:21 pm] |
very fun weekend :)
saturday-woke up coke a coka new friend
tripped to manic
cool outfit that went to well
GAHHH un explan able but nothing can get me down for a VERY long time
this week going to work on an art portfolio so im probably going to try do do that when im at home this week.. :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|10:43 pm] |
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life is truely beautiful |
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| Finally |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pepper-butthole surfers | ] |
( Friday ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2006|10:51 am] |
i am a very lucky and unlucjy person at the same time i love and loath it at the same second..
:) i'll post a long entry later |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|08:36 pm] |
MAJOR HEAD ACHE
GAH
but im feeling fantastic other wise..why?
I cant really explain..
full out MEL |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|05:21 pm] |
what feels better to me?
the satsisfactory/happyness of school being over
and i passed all my classes pretty colorfully
or
the fake happyness that i seem to smear on my life
or
the satisfying happyness when im JUST around my friends..that they seem not to get the same enjoyment out off..
all feel great but should i get rid of any..
should i go to the solitue of my own thoughts again i feel myself i feel more myself than ever
but are people seeing me...i wish people knew me but i find myself so complex that i make myself simple....um in urge of a long talk....i just am afraid that it might hurt me and change me again...that is opening myself up completely just to wait for the kill..
and i cant just blah let everything out they haveto also..
i feel gross today-ew-hah |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2006|02:44 pm] |
I BOUGHT 5 TICKETS
HERE WE COME ON JULY 27 VA BEACH
DEFTONES
KORN
STONE SOUR
FLYLEAF
and more.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|08:32 pm] |
so..i've been sleeping about 80%of the day..i kinda got rid of the head ache but i feel it creeping up..
now my dads mad bc my mom spend all the money and he asked the mays store ifhe could tab it which he's done b4 with the owner but there was some bitty and when we came in (bc he called) and we were looked at like trash and he said my money has always been good here and the lady got snappy back and my dad appoligized for snappy and she still was a bitty back..but yeah feel the rath of my dad... |
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| Raging headache due to Raging thoughts |
[May. 24th, 2006|04:36 pm] |
So, I've been thinking..
Some people have selfmutilation of cuting burning and things like that, but my way of making my self feel better if stuffing my face with food..i eat till i feel better I'm truely never Hungry or feel it bc i always eat. I'm goning to try to stop.
Anyways.
I feel like kicking peoples asses.
Why because they have nothing better to do than talk rumors.
And why whould violence be the solotion?
OH, I know they want me to be mad so i'll show them just how mad i get. Then they can be fully satisfied with their pathedic lives. :)
Moving along.
I'm scared of what I might do if something just hits my last nerve right now,since I'm so calm and content on the outside, and full of pure massdecapidation on the inside.
Ouch I feel like the right side of my head is ready to explode and its been the right side everytime i have one..does anyone know about the right side.
And on..
My mom told my dad that she thinks I lost intrest in school..
Sorry to inform her but that was about 4 years ago..when I found out that I'm living in a sink hole where it seems like all you do is get worse :) I truly am sorry for offending anyone..it's just the way i feel about it..
Its not like my mother was ever involved in my school work before why now why wasnt she there when i won awards and things how do i show intrest if she didnt show it when i was doing well anyways..
and for my dad he said he doesnt care what grades I get..hum...lets go back to saturday when he was saying how disapointed in me he was and all he wants is for me to get into a good school...wow like i didnt have thins on my shoulders anyways..
Since my dads accident i've become more indepentent and less dependant on my parents..i think the only thing i probably depend on them for is to take me to work..and seeing how amber turned out and seeing the mistakes she made i defantly wont make them..it makes me soo mad when my parents tip toe around thinking i will! AHH!
But my dad said that he gives props to lauranna to get her ged then the collage thing and wouldnt mind if i did it too...I'm deffantly thinking about it.. but I could get a regular deploma in a year if i work my ass off..and i probably didnt even spell it right..
On..
I'm not sure why I'm pissed it's making me more pissed...
:D |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2006|10:11 pm] |
so..
one of the girls at work was talking about these two guys and how they were hot..and i said well there cute..bc they look clean...
and i notice that i like either oppisite races..or "dirty boys"
that have sex just dripping off them and dont know it and could do it for days ughhhhh...melanie's one of the H's
oo i fucking hate every second in this damn house.. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2006|01:16 am] |
is it bad if the thought of us wreaking would be better than coming home..?
then i rethought it bc i wouldnt want to hurt my friends
im just a nobody who trys for the dreams of becomeing a somebody but gets in the negitve zones
im not tired..but im mentaly drained..i have a head ache that makes my eyes feel like they r poping out...
is it bad that i would never come home if it ws up to me..
if i could i would never wake up unless i would want to which would only to be with my friends..
i cant handle these dreams called reality..or reality cant take me with out something happening..
last post tonight/morning time to rest this mind of mine |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2006|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  head exploding | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Right where it belongs-nin | ] |
i love my friends and the happyness they bring me and uncles that say things like
But you stay focused on what makes you happy, excited and motivated and you can do anything you want to do anywhere in the entire world!
specially when im down..
but i still am down..anyways it wont go away
:/
bv is my cage..my hell the safety people feel of fakeness...everything where it belongs...
everything is fake here nothing is the thing you really see..the smile on my face is do to the temp happyness..that will soon fade espesically when im home...i tryed to live this illision the fake happyness till i knew i was fake i wasnt true to myself...but i cant even look my self in the mirror bc this person looking at me is hate and thats not me either...my summerised interp of RWIB-nin
i feel hollow right now..
earlier my legs were hurting me bc of the energy crying took out..my body felt numb...
why you ask...bc of D's?! school grades bring me down this much...? no. well ok yes bc i thought i was doing well i thought i had a B in chem...and i knew i was bad in trig but i brought it up..:{ but the thing that gets me all the time is
I TRY MY BEST like im always told..just try your best do your best...
but i try and try and try again...where does it get me everytime??
deeper in the whole..
I try to be a good student..i get d's!
I try to be a good soccer player..i never got played and quit so i wouldnt hurt my knees
I try to be a good friend...i hurt someone else
I try to be a good worker..i got yelled at
I try to be nice..IM TOO nice
I try to block out negitive to much then it all hits at once
I try..not to try..it gets me worse..i dont want to be that person again..
Im trying to get out of here..this better work
I want to be the person thats finally satisfied with their self
will i ever maybe or will i turn to the hateful person i loath...
once the salty tears running down my face begin to dry...maybe i might turn to the truely happy person i should be...
till then the fake smiles and tissue piles remain
oo and i dont think i can ever think of the MM song nobodys will ever be the same after i sobbed hystaricaly on thomas's leg and made a huge spot
i dont know what i want anymore.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2006|09:09 pm] |
| Your Stripper Song Is | 
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no
Soul to tell"
When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy. |
yess i would probably pick that song anyways
| Your Quirk Factor: 62% | 
You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average." |
i like to put faces on my fingers and find myself laughing at them later
| Your Values Profile | 
Loyalty:
You value loyalty highly.
You're completely devoted to your friends and family.
Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them.
Just make sure they're equally loyal to you!
Honesty:
You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."
Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!
Humility:
You value humility highly.
You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.
And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.
You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low.
Tolerance:
You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them. |
| Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking | 
You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.
You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.
You should major in:
Philosophy
Music
Theology
Art
History
Foreign language |
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